Changed the label

In one week, I went from a 20-something bachelor to a 30-something engaged man. I don't know how I got to this state, but my decision to be here and make that change happen is a choice I made. It is a choice that I made with more conviction and confidence than any other that I have made in my life. 

Two things:

I believe that love is a choice. 
I do not believe that there is a "one" for anyone. 

I know that many cannot agree with either of these, and wonder then, how someone like me can be so assured of me making my move to ask a girl to marry me. That's okay. I'm not too concerned with what others think. I know what I know. I know that I could have resented this young woman years ago. I know what love is for me. I also know that there are other young women that I have met that had the potential to be wonderful, loving wives...and in return I would have given them all of me. But I didn't chose any of them. I chose the one that I did, and I am convinced that she is the best person for me. 

This young woman encompasses something divine for me. And I cannot resist something I believe to be a calling from a higher-power. Are there others who could have presented themselves to me in such a way? Perhaps. But that doesn't matter. Our paths have led us together and my heart, mind, and soul confirm that she is more than worth my life. 

My grandpa told me after I called him with the news that "Now the hard part begins."

high brain occupancy

Females. Is it such a focus of the 20-something male? Has it always been? Is it just me? I'd like to know, then I can work on figuring out why they are something I think about nearly every sleeping and waking hour of my life.

When I am with someone, that girl is nearly all that I see. I'm a loyal guy by nature. But the fact still remains in that I think about that girl throughout my day. I'll end up thinking things like: how great they are to me, something they did that confused me, how I couldn't wait for the next time we would have sex, a new idea I could do for them to impress them, a particular trait that I wish would change in them, or just an imaginary conversation in my head between the two of us. That girl is a relentless thought.

Yet even when I'm single, my focus is still women. I'm making plans, playing out conversations to make various girls laugh based off of their individual sense of humor, gauging things I like or don't like about them, texting and calling them, imagining the next level of a relationship with them, and wondering what exactly they think about me. Those girls are relentless thoughts.

All day long I'm checking my phone, playing the guy-likes gal game and cautiously calculating my moves in a way that helps me continue being myself without looking like a man-whore. What can I say, I feel more comfortable respecting a woman's boundaries.

Still, I didn't realize until recently that females occupy my thoughts all day. What gives? Isn't that kind of a big deal; that I spend so much of my time focusing on that? At least it hasn't become a distraction...or has it? 

Perhaps it is simply a need that I am trying to fill. Perhaps it is a temporary facet of my life until I get older. Perhaps it is society. And perhaps it will be something I will manage the rest of my life. Interestingly enough, I just want one. Just one. I want mine, damn it. Females.