Changed the label

In one week, I went from a 20-something bachelor to a 30-something engaged man. I don't know how I got to this state, but my decision to be here and make that change happen is a choice I made. It is a choice that I made with more conviction and confidence than any other that I have made in my life. 

Two things:

I believe that love is a choice. 
I do not believe that there is a "one" for anyone. 

I know that many cannot agree with either of these, and wonder then, how someone like me can be so assured of me making my move to ask a girl to marry me. That's okay. I'm not too concerned with what others think. I know what I know. I know that I could have resented this young woman years ago. I know what love is for me. I also know that there are other young women that I have met that had the potential to be wonderful, loving wives...and in return I would have given them all of me. But I didn't chose any of them. I chose the one that I did, and I am convinced that she is the best person for me. 

This young woman encompasses something divine for me. And I cannot resist something I believe to be a calling from a higher-power. Are there others who could have presented themselves to me in such a way? Perhaps. But that doesn't matter. Our paths have led us together and my heart, mind, and soul confirm that she is more than worth my life. 

My grandpa told me after I called him with the news that "Now the hard part begins."

Taken off the path

I am the galaxy and all of the celestial bodies within. She is the center of the galaxy. The center has the most powerful of pulls. Each body once had their own course, but now in this galaxy are pulled to spin around her. Nothing in the galaxy has a choice but to dance a spiral, slowly getting closer to the center. 

QVID AGIS?

She said, "One of the things I like most about you, is how you go wherever you want. You do whatever you want. It's refreshingly mysterious."

I cocked an eyebrow to that, because not only have I heard similar comments before, but my thought was "...and that's one of the things that I can most hurt you with."

I have lived in my present habitat for over a year now. It's the longest I have stayed in one place without some sort of long excursion away, or packing up and moving all together since...goodness...since I was 17 years old before heading to college.

I know I will always be traveling and visiting the reaches of the world, but I wonder if I will continue to roam. A part of me hopes that I will. I don't know if that part of me is habit or comfort with the normalcy of everything being temporary. Perhaps it is pure curiosity and the adventurer in my heart that want to see and experience more. 

Lead on, champion.

Oh Boy

Before bed, I've been putting my clothes out for the next day for at least 5 years now. I can't remember exactly when I started. Hmm...it still seems useful to me.

Onto something else. 

I recalled the other day sneaking in through my girlfriend's window when I was a teenager. I think it's funny how I did such a devilish, cliche, mainstream pursuit. I feel like I never did anything orthodox or standard ever. That was fun though:

• Calling my girlfriend around midnight to see if her parents were still awake
• Parking my car a street away and running through the alley up behind her house
• Adrenaline and horniness throwing me up the 8 foot fence which led me up to the roof above the garage
• Tip-toeing across the rooftop to an empty dark window where I knew she was waiting
• Throwing one leg over into the warmth of her room where she'd practically start grabbing me
• No more words said other than "Hey there" and "I love you" for the next two or three hours
• Laying there, breathing hard and sweating in her bed, far removed from worrying about her parents suddenly coming in or checking on a noise
• Laughing with her and delaying my departure so long until the reality of 4:00 or 5:00AM forces me to look for my clothes
• Smiling at the search for my clothes which had been lustfully strewn around her room, because it recaps the moments in my head of the hours before
• Kisses at her window sill that last far too long, mostly in fear of when the next time will be that we meet
• Clumsily tip-toeing back across the roof down to the garage, jumping to the pavement and sprinting to my car because I thought I made a noise and triggered the automatic lights
• Grinning as I speed back home to my mom and dad's, trying to beat the sunrise

Man, I could die and be proud of that.

so great

She has the athleticism, body, and beauty that Jamie had. But it's still her own.

Like Jamie, she makes me confident and sure of myself...but in a way I never knew I had within me.

She has the intellectual capacity, challenging attitude, and constructive criticism-nature that Katie had, but it's better.

Like Katie, she makes me look critically at myself and my beliefs, and realize that people are so beautifully different...but this one can make me feel positive about everything.

She has the gentle and kind heart that Julie had, the sincerity of her actions and words are with a grace I have never seen, and yet she does it with this humility that expects no gratitude. 

Like Julie, she makes me a better person. She creates an example of a human being that I look up to and try to imitate every single day...but in her way I have already seen that even I can be an example to others.

Tú eres mi otro yo

“Tú eres mi otro yo” By Maria Brazil

Tú eres mi otro yo. Si te hago daño a ti, Me

hago daño a mí mismo. Sí te amo y respeto,

Me amo y respeto yo.

I feel like this should be a dynamic of the relationship I have with God. Maybe I do. I don't love her in the way that a male and female do, not yet anyway. But I feel this with her. But I'm afraid to tell her something like this, not yet anyway. She means a lot to me.

15th September

Oh my, overwhelmed.  

While working on my Libya project, I have grown pretty used to the images/videos/stories of people directly affected by the war and oppression from Gaddafi.  But this morning this video really softened me.

Then to really push me over the edge, a song that will always remind me of my last love comes up on my Pandora.  I miss her so much, but I shouldn't.