In some years

In some years, I don't write a lot. I was looking through this 11-year-old blog and noticed that in some years I wrote a lot and others that I wrote little. I also noticed that I am the only one who sees the blog, which makes sense because I keep it pretty anonymous and don't share it with most of the people in my life. This blog is really just for me. But back to my first note (both issues are related actually), I wondered why I didn't write as much in some years, and more often than once a month in others. This is my second post of the year, and it is coming with only 25 days left of it. So, what happened? I conclude that I wasn't any more busy than I was in other years, which is what I initially thought, but rather that my writing depends on my emotional state. I tend to write when I am feeling more melancholy. Perhaps this is my outlet. Perhaps this is why the blog is only for me? It's a therapy of sorts. 

Does Blogger have an app? I'll have to look into that. I think that will get me to write more. Why do I want to write more? No one is really reading this except for myself. Ah, there it is again. I want to write for myself. I want to keep a journal. But why? What does it all matter? Why did you start this blog in the first place? Why are you here typing these words? Why are you reading them? 

Goodness, I must remember that I started this blog for a different reason. I even deleted some of those initial posts that I made a decade or so ago. I shared this blog on my Facebook page. When I had a Facebook. I wanted people to read it. But then my writing became more honest, more into my personality...more into ideas and characteristics about myself that I didn't want people to know. 

Something occurred to me just now. A reason that I write on this blog is because it helps me feel less alone. Not that I feel particularly lonely, but because I don't want to lose a piece of myself. If I forget how I felt during a time, then I lose who I was at that time. I need this to echo back to my contemporary self that "Hey, I was here writing these things, spurred on by these thoughts that YOU had. Guy." And I would say to myself, "Ah, yes. I remember that. I remember that feeling. I can try to remember what was going on in my life at that time. Yes, I see now who I was."

That is important to me. It's as simple as that. Now now. What should I be writing about, now that I have recommitted to posting more to this glorious blog of mine? I believe that I will write more stories.

Je ne peux pas changer...

...that's just how I am.

How many times have we heard people say that? How many times have we said it to someone that finds our attitude or behavior off-putting? 

What is a person really saying with the remark of "That's just how I am"? Are they just saying an excuse? Or perhaps they may be saying that they do not have the motivation to change this aspect about them. It is possible that they do not want to change, or that they think that this behavior cannot be changed. Both of which go far beyond the simplistic notion that they are just stubborn. That too may be an excuse.

It is important to look at the origin of both why the person is the way they are, and why they have the idea that they are unchangeable. One thing is certain, and that is that they have accepted the way that they are in the context of saying "That's just how I am." At that point, they are saying to you, "Accept this about me, because I do, and there's nothing to be done about it." 

Maybe there is nothing to be done about it, but I find the sentiment that an individual has no confidence in any change in their-self to be a lack of willpower and focus. Why is that person behaving that way, and excusing their-self of that behavior? Was it some factor of the way that they were raised? Was it accepted by people around them their entire life so was never before challenged? Was it a factor motivated by an event? The possibilities aren't really what I'm getting at. I find it curious that people accept themselves in a situation with behavior that is usually not positive, and yet hold others to a different standard where they do not accept the behavior of others. 

We cannot truly understand all of the intricacies for why others act the way that they do, but I think that we should be open to change. We aren't losing our identity by changing behavior, we are taking control of ourselves. We are revealing our identity of power, wisdom, and determination to improve, and we will creatively adapt that to ourselves in our own way.