These past few weeks have been very hard for me. It feels good to type that.  There are two of me.  

I am not sure about where I am or what I am doing, yet again.  For a while there I thought I was pretty excited about being here in DC, but now I just don't know.  Most people annoy me.  I'm friendly and very patient, but this work-obsessed environment of people bothers me.  I miss home.  I'm not sure I'm supposed to go back.  

I want to rant and overgeneralize.  I wasn't born into having a family with money.  They were.  I didn't go to an expensive prestigious college and they did.  I have family and community connections in high society here on the east coast but I am bothered by using nepotism and they aren't.  I was taught values and lessons from making mistakes.  They were taught by their tutors and distractions.  I don't know anyone here and all of their friends and family are.  I think that the culture, people, and region of home is beautiful and genuine.  They think it's boring, ignorant, and backwards.  

I loath the fact that I get so depressed so often.  I don't feel like I have much to be down about when I think about it.  To make matters worse my depression hits me so hard it affects my relationships with people.  How can I be so confident yet so insecure?

On to another topic, this weekend I am going to get in touch with my heritage through museum visits.  Turns out the Holocaust Museum and Museum of the American Indian are on the same street.  I've been wanting to see them for a while.  The last time I tried to go to the Holocaust Museum there was a bomb threat and the security made me leave when I was 11.  Turns out there are threats for all of DC this weekend anyway.  My aunt and uncle told me tonight not to take any Metros either.  They would probably be upset to hear of where I'm going.  I'm not scared.  Why think and worry about such things as terrorist threats?  What are you really going to do about it if something happened?  The idea is that they don't want you to live in peace.  Avoiding things, worrying, and hiding doesn't help, you are folding over to exactly what they want.  I'm not letting cowards dictate what I do with my time.