dernier weekend

For Easter this year I decided to go with my girlfriend to her home in St. Louis.  I had already met her parents and one of her siblings, but I knew this time I was going to meet much of her extended family.  I didn't care though.  I didn't go with her because I wanted to meet her family, I did it for her.  I knew it would make her glad.  To be honest, I would have rather been at home in Texas with my family, but alas couples must reciprocate.  

The weekend very scary.  It had always been a big deal in my family when a cousin or sibling brought a significant other to a family gathering.  Whoever that was, experienced close inspections, questioning, silent judgment, and had to put on pleasant presentation for everyone.  I felt like that, and although it was obvious my girlfriend's family adored me, it only made me more nervous.  Expectations are created in the minds of relatives, that we are eventually to be together for years to come and eventually married.  3 of her aunts brought me candy gifts.  I felt guilty to be so trusted and thought of.

The photographs on her mother's refrigerator were of her sister and her husband, married last year, her other sister and her fiance to be wed later this year, and then my girlfriend and I taken by the fireplace a few months ago.  Is it weird for all of this to make me uncomfortable?  I have serious commitment issues.  Or maybe I'm just that unsure about this girl.  Maybe it's both.  A year from now will I still be on the fridge?  Marriage scares me, I'm not comfortable with it.  I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.  Maybe I haven't met the right one.  Maybe it just takes time.  Hell if I know.

And Now, for Early Christianity

I like to write about my life, but then sometimes I like to sound intelligent and write about something I learned from professors and reading.  So, here goes my take on the history of Early Christianity:

Dionysus

 The pagan should jump on the Christian band-wagon, it’s the right thing to do.  In fact, it’s in the best interest of the pagan to convert to the ‘one true faith’, because the salvation of his/her soul depends upon it.  Luckily for any Greco-Roman pagan in the first several centuries AD, Christianity wouldn’t be so hard to embrace because of its creative use of acculturation.  In order to spread the faith of Christianity, the Church became very adept at weaving the syncretism between its own beliefs and those of the former pagan pantheon.  If anything, the Christian church can be said to have sheltered paganism and preserved portions of it through the ages through its syncretism of beliefs (Hamilton 348).  Construction of churches, rituals, calendars, religious gestures, and the icons of Jesus, Mary, and the saints are just a few of the characteristics of Christianity that owed their roots to paganism.  Yet ironically these remnants, although in the eyes of Church doctrine could be viewed as heretical centuries later, were crucial in the explosion of early Christian followers throughout the former Roman Empire. 

 

Although this new monotheistic faith was not initially popular it offered salvation and provided a spiritual, personal perspective on morals and the afterlife.  Why was this important?   Well the Greco-Roman gods were believed to be unsympathetic to the common human being, and ultimately, the outlook for an individual on the afterlife was nothing special.   The common pagan’s life was miserable and full of work and toil, and for them, the afterlife carried more of the same.   No rewards, joy, or improvement of social status waited for them after death.  By 200 AD, many of the pagans were already becoming more interested in deities that were known to die and then come back to life, often associated with the ‘Mystery Religions’ of the east (1, slide 5 and 6).  Christianity offered salvation through Christ, a dying and rebirth that would be reserved for any Christian believer.  The afterlife showed promise, and this appealed to a pagan who not only wanted his/her life to bear a purpose, but simply wanted something to look forward to in the end.  The individual liked the idea that they would, like the deities, in a way be immortal, and have a rebirth of their own once they died (1, slide 8).  Early Christianity was a religion that would accept everyone and followed a code of charity and humane behavior.  Thus, the Christian faith appealed to the lower classes, the outcasts, and the slaves.  It just so happened that these populations were the masses during early Christianity, providing missionaries with an infinite supply of souls to convert and save.  After all it was the duty of any Christian to “…go and make disciples of all nations…” (Matthew 28:19).  

            A huge factor in the syncretism between Greco-Roman pagans and their conversion towards Christianity was that they found that the latter could better meet their needs.  For example, Christianity seemed more purposeful for the common pagan because it improved their perspective of the future, and not only in a religious sense.  The Church also provided the laity with jobs, meals, and shelter, as it called for nuns, monks, and clergy who would embrace the doctrines and spread the faith.  Pagans who were used to celebrating feast days of their deities could continue those customs through the Church’s acculturation via Christian saints.  Communal meals and ritualistic worship were a huge practice in the pagan religion, and it is now known to be a prevailing feature of Christianity.  This intermingling was key in brining the ignorant pagan into the fold of Christian faith, as its association of Christian saints gave the pagans an inlet to the faith that was incredibly easy to understand, and even more effortless to follow.  If the Church didn’t have a saint that matched a pagan deity or god, then they could easily invent one such as St. Martin, St. Lawrence, or St. Aphrodite.  Furthermore, many of the fundamental ideals of Christ were already present in the pagan religion of Mithra, who was known to have a human birth of a virgin, practice baptism, live a celibate moral life, and teach the belief in heaven and hell along with a day of judgment (1, slide 9).  This sounds very familiar indeed. 

St. Martin dividing his cloak by Anthony Van Dyck

 Greco-Roman pagans were used to omens, the laity was extremely superstitious.  Signs bearing good or evil were what the populations were used to observing, in fact these symbols even affected an individual’s daily decision making.  It has to be understood that the way of life for the commoner after the Roman Empire was incredibly harsh.  This despair led to the belief that evil was manifested in the human world.  These evils could be avoided with proper liturgies, sacrifices, and prayers that had to be performed precisely, and many of these ritual details would later be adopted by Christianity in the practices of the holy mass (2, slides 18 & 19).  Even artwork is seen to be medium of this syncretism.  Many paintings in the early centuries AD, particularly from what can be seen in catacombs, show pagan styles that would later be adopted by Christian artists i.e. halo/rays of light from heads, communal suppers, crossing over to heaven or afterlife, the use of candles and prayers, blessings of holy water, etc (1, slides 16-21).  These portrayals show that there were only slight differences between the pagan rituals and beliefs, and those of the later Christian communities.

 

A considerable problem however lied in this meshing of faiths as communities continued to keep to their pagan practices disguised as Christian exercise.  As all of these Christian communities continued their faith, they evolved separately from that of the core of the Catholic Church, thus remaining aloof from the precise dogma demanded by the popes.  Thus when the Church began its inquisitions into the deviations of their own faithful communities, they likely did not know how deep and widespread those ‘heresies’ lied within not only the populace, but many of the clergy as well.

By the time of the medieval church, the fundamental doctrines of the Catholic Church, albeit a few discrepancies, had been universally understood.   However, outside the hierarchy of the clergy in Rome, the Christian faithful could be very different in their understanding of how to practice their religion.  This is particularly true at local areas where Christianity spread to the communities via acculturation of their native practices of honoring pagan deities with those of Christian saints and apostles.  Quickly the differences between the old religion and Christianity had been forgotten for the pagans, and despite the same functions, merely the names had changed for the symbols and icons they once revered.  Thus, the syncretism between Greco-Roman paganism and early Christianity had become so great that by the medieval era it could be said that the Church was just as much ‘pagan’ as it was Christian, though no clergy would dare admit it!

1. Chuchiak, John. “Fall of Pagan World and Rise of Christianity”: slides 1-46.

2. Chuchiak, John. “Pagan-Christian Syncretism”: slides 1-87.

Hamilton, Mary. "The Pagan Element in the Names of Saints." The Annual in the British School at Athens 13 (1907): 348-56.

rawr

As a guy, it always feels like that when I have a girlfriend, the opportunities for encounters with other women sky-rocket.  Girls seem to just fall in my lap, and the temptation is almost unbearable.  Whether its a date, a hookup, or even a girl that is genuinely attractive enough in mind and body that it makes me question the relationship I have...the grass always seems greener.  

Not long ago I was hit on by a possible cougar.  I say possible cougar, but more likely she was just 5-10 years older than me.  She was gorgeous.  My buddy and I were at the bar downtown watching the Mav's game when her and her friend came in and ordered drinks next to us.  I noticed that she was attractive, but I tried to avoid the temptation of flirting by ignoring her and watching the game and chatting with my friend.  The woman and her friend kept trying to talk to us, and our indifference and lack of attention only made her more interested.  

She looked to be in her early 30s.  There is something about a woman around that age that is a clear separation from being a girl.  Eventually she gave me a firm nudge to get my attention back, and talked to me about how she was in town for some modeling work.  I smirked at first and thought to myself "yeah right", but after more observation I started believed it.  A few drinks later and she had grabbed my ass, it became very clear that she wanted me.  

There is this point I think, most girls and guys who have had one night stands before, for better or worse, recognize it.  This point may be instinctive, but you and her both realize where the situation is heading, and nothing needs to even be said, you just know.  Fear started to grow inside me, she wanted me to go home with her, and her aggressiveness and dominant personally made her more attractive than I could handle.  I wanted her, and that's what scared me.  I have a girlfriend, she is wonderful.  But I became afraid that the temptation and excitement of sleeping with this woman would be something I might play out.  I was scared at the fact that it was so easy to make this happen.  My strategy of trying to be disinterested only brought her closer and made her more playful and aggressive, she kept her body directly in front of me, her face a foot from mine.

I have a good conscience, I've never cheated before, and the scenarios to do so have always been avoided by that part of my mind.  It has proven to not allow me to do such a thing in the past, because being a male sure as hell doesn't agree with it.  So, I quickly convinced my friend to go to another bar, escape seemed the only defense I had from her.  Her disappointment in my leaving even made me feel rejected as well.  I felt defeated and stupid for turning the situation down, even if my conscience knew I was doing the right thing.  Her and her friend asked what bar we were headed to, and we told them, it was a good walk away and not a usual place for 30 somethings.  Perhaps 10 minutes after my friend and I arrived, she came in the door with her friend looking for me.