some advice

I don't think we should ever regret anything that has happened in our life. There are some extreme exceptions, but the experiences we have had, the environments we have grown up in, and the impressions we have given to people, are all combined to make us the individual we are today. It doesn't matter if those times we shared were good or bad, the important thing is that we should look back and see that whatever events stand out, made us stronger. Mistakes happen, learn to live with them and move on by teaching yourself from your failures. Some things are not meant to be. Even the most serious of events that drastically change people's lives, are not in any single person's control. The person we exist as today is molded together from not only the experiences we have had, but how other people have affected us.  And yet, this works both ways, as we mold others around us.

If we are not happy with where we are, or who we are, then think of the future. We are not making things any better for ourselves or the people around us by feeling negative. It's up to the individual to within themselves and change that. We have the skill and ability within in us as humans to make ourselves content. We are wasting time. The world is a beautiful place. Keep your good memories close to your heart, cherish them and imagine the good times that will come. It's useless to never forgive ourselves and dwell on 'what ifs' and regrets of things we wish we had done. It's in the past, we can't change it, move on.

ahh, that's nice

This is the beer pong trophy Josh made. Tony is holding it because he is greedy. But the very next week, AJ and I would wind up being the ones earning the honors to hold the trophy between roommates!

карандаш

i have a load of stuff to take care of this week: tests, several meetings, things i told people i would do with them, home work, baseball, go to the mall and buy something for myself for once (shorts), pay rent, and i would very much like to see a movie---it seems so long since i went to a theater and saw anything. oh yeah, and i wanna run as fast as i can in an open field.


mass today wasn't so great. the sermon was basically an overview of the parish's funds and the need for more donations...heh, everyone needs more money.

this weekend sucked. something felt...wrong. maybe something is missing. whether i was at home, partying, playing, or sleeping, i felt strange. i didn't even sleep in my own bed last night, i felt so awkward i slept in the living room. i wasn't happy out at the parties, i couldn't feel the mood to relax and enjoy myself---they were good parties too!  bah what a waste!  playing tennis with some friends yesterday i even said something doesn't feel right...i don't even why i felt the need to say it out loud. i can feel it today, something is wrong. it's like a bad essence or something. my friend Milan even noticed me Saturday. he say's "comrade! what is wrong with you, you are not funny today, you are quiet!" i'm usually making him laugh his ass off, and i didn't even feel like going with him to the mall Saturday like i said i would. boy it's bad when you visually look out of sync.  

the reason the weekend makes me feel empty is perhaps because it's the only chance i have to cut loose and satisfy my social life. if i get nothing out of it, especially after busting my ass all week, it makes me pretty frustrated.  like i wasted an opportunity, because now i have to go through another week. then again, i suppose it could be worse.  yesh, things can always be worse.


maybe i should cut back on my hours for work. it's stressing the hell out of me, but i need the $ for rent and tuition, and at the same time i'm trying to save up so i can open up an investment account. screw it, i'm going to use it all to travel somewhere really far away.

watch the weather change

One of our clients at work, he's really helped me the last few weeks. I'm the one who's supposed to help him right? He's such an interesting guy, and the way he deals with his impairment(he's blind) baffles me. His story of how he became blind; being that he grew up in a country where they didn't have the knowledge or resources to fix a simple eye injury-which led to his eyes both becoming useless when he woke up one morning, sounds so incredibly....well shady. How fair is that? If he was probably anywhere else in the world it could have been treated. I would be so angry, and perhaps he was at one time.  He takes it all in stride with daunting acceptance.  He laughs and tells me "man I wish I could see again, I would have my own car, I could see all the beautiful girls." He and I both know he could do so much more than that, but because he says it in respect to doing trivial everyday-things, I feel like shit.  Taken.  For. Granted.  He deals with his disability like it's a joke, he's accepted it and makes the most out of himself while he has it.  He's not ashamed of it. He makes everyone laugh, and plays off any mistakes  he makes like it's the world that is in his way.  It's awesome and inspiring.

I'm used to working with so many people with disabilities, and I've always been impressed by the things they can accomplish, often just like anyone else. I ask myself why the hell do we have to be so embarrassed of all the stupid little things we do in our lives. I downright suck, I need to do better for myself.

Girls

Girls....Ladies...the women, heh. I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm doing about that situation. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship yet. I don't feel like I need to be in one. Then again, who knows. My good friend Lauren pretty much summed it up the other day when she was asking for some advice about a guy. She said "the part I love about being single is that I don't feel obligated to check in with someone."   It's a very simple point, but it hits home, you are free when you are single.  It is indeed nice to not have to worry about offending someone with your actions.  The team becomes you and yourself.  

Being in college rocks, I like meeting people, making minor mistakes, learning, going to strange places, being put in diverse situations, and talking with other young vibrant minds. While in a relationship, you are restricted from doing certain things because you shouldn't play with your partner's emotions. There is also a standard for the way you should act in a relationship, and doing some of the things I want to do are taken away with that. 


The thing is, I feel like you can do more with a certain person, even as fun as college is and when there is so much going on. The sacrifice of all that "playing around" is worth it because of what you share with that person. Of course this is all untrue if that 'significant other' isn't the right one for you and takes you away from being yourself. 

Single now is good.

Eyes like a Sword

Everyone is so scared of each other. Notice how rare it is for people to look one another in the eye, especially strangers. Going to school on a large campus, you pass thousands of people during the week. Stare at someone, look them in the eye. There is a 99% chance they will look away. It's as if a person's eyes pierce through people. You see a person's eyes, and to you, those eyes represent that person in an entirety. It's as if the eyes themself judge you, read you, even sometimes insult you. Why? Everyone is so damn self conscious. And when I stare at people in the eye, the whole way to class or work, nearly everyone makes eye contact with me for one split second, and then looks away. I think it's funny. It's as if you caught someone doing something embarrassing. They realize you are looking at them and so they feel they have to act as if they are being examined. Their eyes look away as if they don't care, and didn't even notice you. Twice as funny if they look back and see you still with your eyes focused on theirs. Doesn't really matter, girls or guys, old or young... it makes them all feel uncomfortable. They change their facial expressions, walk differently, fidget with a cell phone, pop their fingers, some sort of gesture. Of course, probably not everyone runs this through their head as this happens, but if you are the one looking people in the eyes, you can tell when they become conscious of you. And it's silly how people have to try and act careless and cool, all because of your eyes. It's not as if you are intentionally trying to harm and judge them with your eyes, you are initially just percieving what is going on around you and sending it to your brain.

Similar examples occur in class. Everyone wants to sit one space away from the next person in class. Everyone gives a random stranger excessive respect and worries about what they will think. So an easy base is to sit away from people, and not look at them. What have you got to lose? Who cares what some kid thinks in your history class if you sit next to em, look them in the eye, or God forbid, say hello what's your name? You know what I'm talking about? It's silly.

feeling well

For a while now, I've been feeling really well. It feels like I'm invulnerable. I go through my day feeling like I have a lot of confidence, strength, wisdom, and determination. I think it isn't until the past couple of years, after I made some sporadic decisions, that I focused on my life as a whole and did a bit of self reflection. 

Wow I've missed a few things. I never really concentrated on anything, never applied myself, never thought of God any deeper than the surface, never stopped and noticed the beauty and awesomeness of the world and the life that inhabits it, the infinite possibilities of the universe, and the short time we exist in the here and now. Maybe I just matured more? I feel enlightened.... as if I have the important foundations of my life figured out. I simply acknowledge as much as I can around me by observing, and fill in all the questions with whatever ideas make sense; instead of asking "why?" all the time like all those depressed peeps. Anyway, if that makes any sense, I believe that's reason I feel the way I do.


Oh yeah, and now for something completely different. So first day of school this semester ROCKED. It was fun to see a few people and break into new classes, but geez, work sucked. Tomorrow I have only one class at 2pm and then I work the rest of the day. What the hell am I supposed to do all morning?!? I'm going to see if I can't get my work time changed to the morning so I can be finished at 3pm because this will make my life a little bit nicer...than it already is of course.

woo hoo

My comrade AJ is back and has moved in. Boy does it feel good sleeping in a room with another man again. What!? no! Anyway I'm glad he's here. Why? Several reasons. Well, I'll tell you...

1) he brought Budweiser and Southern Comfort
2) he has a kick ass stereo system to jam Rage Against the Machine with
3) he makes me laugh
4) splits the rent and saves mai money
5) kills people i don't like

That's not in any particular order. I'm really eager to start this semester, I like school, shut up. New classes, new girls, new socks. The most important thing to remember is to keep a balance of your partying and your school work so you don't screw up and piss everyone off. AJ and I are masters of this.

okay, here we go...

look at these couple of champions of history. i have decided that if i ever get rich....wait hold on. i wish i could say the word "rich" and have this big ass grin on my face where my lips stay open. it would sound like "RIACH" and you could see my gold teeth. anyway if i do ever get riach, i'm going to build a statue in my honor. regardless of fame. or infamy. or famy famy. you know how guys like these have statues of them they did things. all i have to do is have a lot of money. i will construct a large statue of me on a horse going off to battle, fully armored with a pilus and cocky posture. you know what else? it's going to be on a 10ft tall marble base, and i will have a bright red cape that goes on my statue's back. i'll have the cape washed and re-attached once a month...picture that, waving in the wind? too cool. and as for the inscription on the tablet? i know i can think of something clever until then.

Field School

I'm back in Springfield Missouri for my Archaeological Field School now. I found the first artifact for this year, even though it was only a flake from a chert core, it was still kewl. Digging all day is pretty easy, it's a relaxing job, but at the same time it's intriguing because you can't wait to scrape the earth to the next level and find something else. I found a few diagnostic artifacts(items that can tell an archaeologist important information about a site), each was a peice of a ceramic, most likely earthenware. One had a blue design around the rim of it, as did another, and a different piece had green and yellow in the design of a flower. It's crazy that I'm the first person to touch it in 200 years, I can't wait to excavate more locations, but the learning process is going well for now.

My roommate Josh and I are hungry and we have no furniture in our new apartment, it's pretty funny because if we really tried we could fix both of those problems. Anywho when I moved in last Saturday, I was carrying my first handful of items from my car and I noticed a girl upstairs on the other side of the complex from me in nothing but blue jeans. Awesome, I think I'm going to like it here. I'm going to take a nap, au revoir.

This is at my sister's graduation, my sister shopped and picked out exactly what we were going to wear for her....anyway it's my younger brother Kilian, Me, and my Dad.