munch

I was surveying along the Jordan-Syrian border one day, and I had never spent so much time in wheat fields before.  They get a good amount of rainfall there, so there is actually a good amount of green and vegetation....

But anyways about the wheat fields.  I started picking a few of the wheat beards along my transects and found myself eating the seeds.  It's actually kind of like eating sunflower seeds, you have to pick out one of the beards and separate the shell/beard before you can eat the actual seed.  It was very crunchy and the taste was sort of like a granola bar.  

Eventually I decided to collect a few stalks and collect and chew 50-60 seeds or so at once, and to my surprise it turned into GUM and got a little sweeter I think.  I even pulled it out of my mouth and it looked like any piece of chewing gum.  What is the significance of this?  I invented my own gum damn it.

human emotion

So I've been thinking that humans have 4 core feelings. I don't usually like to categorize things like this that are kind of out of reach to really comprehend, but I'm convinced people's moods are degrees of:

Anger

Fear

Joy

Sadness

Okay, so I sorted them into those 4, but right after I did that, I noticed something. Joy is alone. Anger, Fear, and Sadness are all usually ugly and negative. So then I thought, wow, we humans are doing all right. If my idea is right, we are doing well just living around each other considering it is in our nature 75% of the time to be upset about something.

Wait, Ryan you can't divide up human emotions like that!  Who the hell do you think you are!! RAHHH plus...who spends 75% of their life without Joy?  Hmm, maybe some do, bummer.  But for the most part, even I don't think that's true, but something should be said for the fact that we are hardwired for only one core, positive emotion.

it's been too long

It is not weird to be thinking about a deep thought and say to oneself, "Hmm I should put that in my blog." I think everyone deep down really wants to keep their own journal. To keep their thoughts, feelings, and stories to paper(text), makes them feel as though they are lasting. It doesn't make the experiences in life seem so fleeting and insignificant. It's like a little revolt of the individual saying, "Hey look, I went through this, this happened, I was there..." even if it's meaningless to everyone else. People want their lives to always be full of meaning I suppose. There is nothing wrong with this.

what happened to the time

there was this moment when i just paused and reflected about the time and place i was in. i had the realization that i would never be in that time, not necessarily that instance, but just that night in that place ever again.   i felt sad, it sucked knowing that it would slip away from me. 

in one of these moments, getting ready to go out to a party with my friends from our dorms, hearing that same music from 2005 playing on in the hall bathroom, the crappy beer, the inside jokes, being around those same friends, and looking the way i did..it occurred that this would never be again.  damn it.

i comforted myself knowing that i still had that night, and there would plenty of other nights with a very similar air. but i still think back on that time, and i am rushed with emotion as i think about all of the details of where i was and what was happening.  in moments when i felt like this, i relaxed and focused on taking everything in and enjoying it, i missed nothing. and still, it isn't satisfying to know that i tried to take nothing for granted. it still feels unfair that i won't have that time back again.

yet i guess this practice makes me feel like time will go more slowly, which will give me more time to enjoy it. but then i think, ultimately it's in the past, who cares right?  we've all had "good ol days", and i know i have plenty to look forward to in my life. but why does it hurt and feel like a loss?

satisfactionnnnnnnnn

push me, and then just touch me, so i can get my......satisfaction satisfaction satisfaction satisfaction satisfaction.

so less than 4 weeks until i head off to hawaii. for who knows how long. a-a-a-nd, the town i live in has become so much more awesome now that i have discovered a club that plays electro/techno/house, and has a solid following of people that appreciate the music.

...there's 10 minutes left, and i'm on my way to the airport, and realize i still have the condoms on my shoes. so i took them off and threw them in the back. i pulled up, with manly, kate-moss-confidence. and there was the dean, with his wife, bulging with impatient fluids. i went in for a bro-grab, and got totally whiffed. after they got into the car, in the back seat the dean's wife started getting magic-flute-voice. she sounded like a baby bat, that was even more terrified than usual. when i turned around, there were my mud-covered condoms. i said, let me explain, those, have not been in asses......they would not believe me.

I love that I am a perfectionist. But I hate how it stresses me out. Then, again, I love myself....so I love that I am a perfectionist.

Why do older people think that it's time to start thinking about settling down and finding a girl? 23 isn't that old, cripes.... It's annoying to have people keep asking if I have a girlfriend, as if I am letting them down or something. F that, I know what I am doing.

herometer

A long time ago there were these guys called heroes. Athens' hero was Theseus. Theseus in my mind rocked. I want to be him. There's Heracles, he was a bad ass dude too. Heracles was more of a Pan-Hellenic hero though, so everyone loved him. Everyone. In fact, I think he had a little too much love. And I believe that Theseus was indeed a bit better of 'hero' than Heracles. And by 'hero' I mean someone that the kids can look up to. Someone that people can identify with and like to imagine themselves being. Everyone even today knows Heracles a.k.a. Hercules, but who knows Theseus?


Heracles was a son of Zeus, and Theseus was just a regular Joe. Heracles was half divine, that definitely gave him an edge of Theseus in terms of being praise-worthy, but this shows that Theseus is more like "one of us", just an ordinary ancient Greek I mean. Also, heroes in this time period all went through wild-ass challenges. It simply proved their merit and showed that they could kick ass for your town or country or tent. Being that Theseus was not part god, it makes his missions seem more impossible.

This brings me to the opposition of the heroes. Heracles had it bad because Hera, Zeus' bitter wife, hated him because Zeus cheated on her to create the guy. So, she sent snakes on him when he was only 2 years old. He of course ripped the snakes into pieces, but that's because he's Heracles, you can expect him to do things like that, even if he is a baby. Theseus however had a king for a dad named Aegeus, cool yes, but his dad slept with Theseus' mom on the side, and 17 years earlier, before heading back to his kingdom, Aegeus told the lady "hey hoe, if it turns out to be a son, tell him to take my sword and these sandals and come find me when he's of age".  


So once coming of age, Theseus finds the sword and sandals and journeys to Athens to find his dad.  Well let me tell you about his trip.  Because you want to know.  Anyway, Theseus' stories are primarily involved with some brute who is beating the tar out of travelers, and then Theseus comes along and gives them a taste of their own medicine. The stories are very entertaining and funny, mostly because these guys' methods of hurting people are for the lack of a better word abnormal.  Like for example the robber Sinis, who grabbed people on the roads and bound them between pine trees that had been tied the ground, and after fastening his victims, he let the trees go, tearing the unlucky fellow from limb to limb.  So Sinis snuffed it.  Apart.

Meanwhile, Heracles' labors weren't even usually against people, he was always fighting beasts and monsters. He's the number 1 beast-tamer of Hellenistic world I tells ya.  Theseus' deeds are more noble I think because he beat up bad people, not a few animals.  The dude got something worthwhile accomplished!  He cleaned up the roads! Heracles is again, f'n Heracles; his missions are supposed to be hard, but everyone reading the stories knowing he's going to win in the end.  No one knows if Theseus is going to make it.


As for love interests and helpers/sidekicks, both have interesting stories that I won't really get into, save that Heracles is a bit of a manwhore and liked to get around. I don't think parents would want their kids growing up to be a guy like that, whether it's today or 2500 years ago. But back to the point, Heracles had 3 official wives, 1 he murders, 1 murders him, and the other he meets through a friend in the afterlife on Mt Olympus.   And as for helpers, he's Hercules so he doesn't need any, though he does have a homosexual relationship with a little dude who followed him around for a few adventures. I'm not judging.


Theseus' helper/lover was this great gal named Ariadne, and she is involved in the famous story with the Minotaur and Labyrinth.  You should read it, not to mention you will realize the story is replayed or parodied everywhere today.  

Eventually however, Theseus dies. Nothing special, he just dies.  I think this is perfect, he's the epitome of what a young, ambitious, ancient Greek guy would want to be, as Theseus' life doesn't seem that improbable and yet he's famous.


With the purpose of a hero inspiring people and fulfilling people's desires for entertainment, hope, ambition, etc., Theseus wins over Heracles in my mind. We imagine ourselves even today as famous persons, whether current or past. They may not be all perfect, but neither were these Hellenistic heroes. But we can't deny that we haven't wished at some point to do things like star in this movie, play this professional sport, lead this country, win that battle, write this book, etc. We can identify with Theseus better, and I think YOU should read up on his stories and put Heracles on the back-burner.