worress

God grant me the strength, to accept the things that i cannot change. i worry too much. so much to the point where i think it actually makes me ill.



so about girls....

i've been very careful the past 3 years being single to not get to close to one in particular. the bar was kind of set with the previous relationship, and though i dumped her i'm afraid of hurting myself and or someone else again.  i've been trying to be as friendly as possible for a long while until i'm very sure i am seriously interested in them.  plenty have liked me, often it's more than i would like them to so early on, so i end up letting them off, well perhaps that's just after leading them on. i'm picky, i think everyone should be, and so far there has been always something(s) i discover that is non-compatable with every girl i start seeing. i see the issue and wonder if perhaps they don't, or overlook it.  then, i lose interest, and they do not ever seem to understand that i'm not wanting to take things further. i've become disgustingly good at handling the scenario actually, and so i continue to cruise along smoothly. 

during a church retreat of all things, i met one that stopped me like, oh lets say a speed bump.  so i tripped over it/her, and things were going really well i think for the both of us at first, we had so many core things in common.  it seemed as though we wanted the same things, i really couldn't see anything wrong with her, and that's something that i've never seen before.  she impressed me like no one had before.  right now, it actually hurts a little that we aren't seeing each other anymore. the thing is, i spoke up first and decided that we should create some space. i think it's what she wanted though as well, and that's what hurt.  i'm not sure if it would have worked, i got so scared of getting too deep, that i was willing to sacrifice something i really appreciated.  after all, i graduate and move off to grad school or work in 5 months or so. i've moved off away from someone before and it's beyond difficult.  it's just a good thing we got out of it before either of us got hurt i suppose. i'm impressed with myself with how easy it was for me to shake off any emotion.  i don't know if that's good or bad actually.


but i've been thinking, if something is that good, and it's right there in front of you....why not take it? what is really stopping you? why worry about the future so much? the experiences that you make right now in these situations can be wonderful, and even if things don't work out in the end, i've come to the conclusion that it's worth the risk. life is beautiful and infinite in possibilities fool!



all i know is, right now i'm growing weary of being solo.  i want someone who i can talk about anything with, share new experiences and ideas, sleep with at night, dream about, argue with, kiss, have sex, laugh with, support...you know, the mushy stuff.  once you've been there and had those things before, you miss them at some point. some of these things can happen while dating, but it's not consistent, and living in that dating-scene for as long as i have makes me feel like all of those elements have lost their authenticity.

omgarsh

wow, i really think i'm losing my mind. *shakes head. nope, still losing it. damn i need to quit drinking.

Welcome!

In Oman.
The people here are extremely kind and welcoming. Everyone greets us with "Hello! How are you?" Which is kind of funny because more often than not that's the only English they would know!  So, when you try to reply and ask 'how are you?' back to them they look at you confusedly. Everyone smiles at me and I get treated like I'm a celebrity, the girls giggle and wink like I'm someone famous. I'm not going to lie that's pretty cool.....

One observation however has caught my attention, and that is the inequality of ethnic groups. Sure, there are class differences everywhere, even back in the US gasp!  But nothing like what I am witnessing here where it appears to be Arabs over Indians, Africans, Pakistanis, and Bengalis. Many of the people I am meeting, usually Arabs can be lazy, arrogant, and impatient with non-whites or Arabs. Some are just downright snobs. Not all of the Arabs are like this, probably not even half are, but many seem to have this superiority attitude.  The privileged stay up all night smoking and drinking, and then sleep until the afternoon and they expect everything to be served up to them in seconds.  The foreign workers carry their heads low and work in fear of losing their job or offending anyone.  I see the Arabs and their families play and litter the public scene, while the Indians follow them around picking up their trash and waiting on them hand and foot in designated jump-suits.  All of the Asian workers have to wear uniforms, and when not at a task, I find them standing behind doors and in corners....out of sight really. Always staring at their feet and keeping their hands behind their backs like servants, it's disgusting. One of the managers of our excavation workers was arguing the other day with an Arab, trying to explain how his people don't know how to serve the Arab because they are afraid to screw up. The inequality of the people here makes the Mexican-work-immigrant issue back home look petty.

That picture is of me and my unit workers, they were all from Bangaladesh. But these guys busted their asses all day in the sun and would end up with about $10 for the whole day. 6am to 4pm.  The first month they didn't even get paid, and yet after a mild complaint, went right back to work because they had no other choice.  A Mexican worker can make that in 2 hours on only minimum wage. And these guys get sent back to their countries once work is finished, they have no job security and may only work when they are needed.  They live in barracks of about 10-12 men per 500 square feet.  They always have smiles on their faces and positive attitudes.  It really makes me angry how they are treated.  How unfair it is. I can't imagine being in their place, I wonder what kind of things they've seen. Do they have families? What are their goals and dreams?

First bit

Okay. Okay. Okay. Good. Okay. Okay. -I said that at least 150 times today plotting points from a $40,000 tripod today as we began excavations. I volunteered to do topographical survey of the site and as a result the word 'okay' has lost it's meaning as I told the guy with the reflector pole it was 'okay' to move to the next point and plot the elevation. But it had to be done to put the archaeological site into the computer, plus it was good experience for me.
But any who, here I am now in Oman. I've been here a week....and to be honest I don't feel like I'm on the other side of the world. Home seems near. But Nope. It's not. It's far. 18 hours on a plane away to be exact.
The environment is deffinitely different. Not what anyone expects the Middle East, coconut and banana trees, white sandy beaches, blue water with dolphins, mountains with green vegetation. But, there are some not-so-surprising things; the dress of the people in one-color robes (dish-dashas), completely spotless and bright I might add, women's faces and heads covered with hijabs, turbans, camels, abundance of cell phones, sand, heat, language that sounds alien, and countless mosques.
One thing that constantly reminds me of where I am is the eerie but magnificent sound of the salat (prayer) call--5 times a day. The echo of the muezzin carries and bounces from mosque to mosque and hushes out any and every noise in the city. Each mosque calls in rythm and their voices are quite moving. In Salalah, whole city appears to go quiet, and all you can hear is the waves breaking on the beach and the muezzin's voice. The scenery is breathtaking from the 3rd floor roof of our villa, so I run up there to listen to the call because it makes the hair on my neck stand up.



Oman is so extremely diverse in landscape. About 120km to the North of where I am there are endless sand dunes and the famous Empty Quarter where the national boundaries are arbitrary.  Halfway that far north are Mountains and cliff faces worn from ancient seas, and humongous, canyon-esque wadiis from long-gone running rivers.  To the south is the Arabian Sea and the endless waves of the Indian Ocean that roll into no other landmass until Antartica. The beach is like 50m from my room!

Some other observations are that everyone speaks relatively good English, and this is by far the cleanest environment I have ever seen. There is no trash anywhere and all public buildings are well kept...I wonder how they manage this?

sun

I just dealt with the best ebay dealer I've ever encountered. I've never been cheated on ebay or anything, and I've got some kickin deals, but this time something screwed up.

First off, ipod headphones suck. This is the third pair of ipod headphones I've bought since owning my mini, and everytime I go to ebay to buy another. Apple sells their headphones for some ridiculous price, and I refuse to buy anything other than ipod headphones because I like the earpiece.

Well, I'm leaving for the summer, so I'm getting pissed that my headphones have not came in that I bought two weks ago, right? So the guy that sells them says he has no idea where they are, he thought he shipped them....and he probably did. The thing is, he got my money, he shipped the item. He really doesn't have to do anything else for me because for all he knows I got the headphones and I want another pair for free. It shouldn't be his concern if they were lost in the mail.

But this guy is kewl, he apologizes for the inconvienience and says he'll send me another pair, but to my paypal address. This kicks ass because that's to my Texas residence, which is where I'm at right now. Furthermore, as it turns out, he's shipping out of Dallas, which means he's likely like 30 min from my house.

ROCK!!

Now it's time to soak up some Texas sun and wash my car.

Update in early June: 

That's the beach in Oman...like 100 ft from our dighouse. muahahahaha!

-Out on the ocean,
there's no one around no one to hear a sound it's just us out here,
Out on the ocean,
Speaking free....

Oman, plus hah

22 more days until I leave for the other side of the f'n planet. I don't think it has settled into my mind quite yet that that is where I will be for this summer.


I'm excited about going over there in terms of the opportunities and experiences of the culture, as well as the archaeology. But I feel like I have this confidence about going over there, as if it is no big deal, as if I've done it before. I suppose I'm glad to feel like this, because I am going over there to work and excavate, not to relax and play the tourist. 


I'm just getting sick of the constant questions and faces I get from people once they hear I'm going to the Middle East. "Why on Earth are you going to a warzone!? Man, you are going to get kidnapped and tortured. You're crazy. Are you going over there to fight? You know how dangerous it is over there?!" 


How aggravating. One, Oman is further from Baghdad than Athens, Greece. Two, everyone over there is not a terrorist for crying out loud. Three, Oman is a peaceful nation with good relations with, well, everybody, especially the US.  Four, the Sultan himself is taking care of me and our crew. Five, people who have been there say that everyone over there is friendly and English is fairly prevalent. Six, even if there was a risk, it's worth it to have an opportunity like this: I'm an undergrad who gets to run an entire crew of workers to excavate, meanwhile I interpret the data and collect artifacts and features that are anywhere from 400-5000 years old.  Career builder.


Anyway, one time, I got super drunk and was locked outside of the bathroom by my roomate who was so wasted he passed out in the shower.  My other roomie watched in humour, as I grabbed my crotch and acted like a little kid, fidgeting around yelling "the loor is docked! I can't go, I gotta go! the loor is docked!"  I don't remember any of this.

Jihad

My professor told me Osama bin Laden is quote "full of shit!" Dr. Ahmed Ibrahim is one of the best professors I've ever had. "...Jihad this and that," he continues "...what does he know of a Jihad? What he is doing is no Jihad to any Muslim. He is just like his words, no substance whatsoever." I never believed the garbage that American society promoted that all Muslims are scary, violent people. And then I saw this was true first hand while in Oman. It's really a vote of confidence to hear intelligent people such as my professor, Ibrahim, talk about the connection between the history of the Middle East and modern foreign policy in a way that makes young Americans such as myself grasp an understanding of the context with the Arabian conflict. Emirs from Arab and Persian nations have donated millions and millions of dollars to set up degree programs and classes in universities in the U.S. that will help teach Americans about the culture of the Middle East. They are brilliant to do so, because their intention is that the struggles between the West and Middle East can be prevented through an understanding and education of the ways of their peoples. They wish for everlasting peace just as strongly as most, and by doing so people need to learn not to be misled by the out-of-context and biased opinions of the media. Osama bin Laden and his movement are lacking culture. The majority of Muslims condemn terrorism, and are embarrassed by his deeds; think of how that reflects on them? And then then the T.V. and newspapers show nothing but bloodshed and hate that in turn fuels misconceptions and generalizations for the second largest religion in the world. Dr. Ibrahim illustrates the progress of Arab culture and Islam both moving seperately, but in a parallel to each other. As they both keep running along side by side, they eventually diverge; Arabic culture stops and stays the same with it's traditions and values. Islam branches and moves away, and in other cases stays near Arabic culture. Osama bin Laden is one of those branches that gets away from the culture and rationalism of Arabic thought. Islam is identified as far back as Muhammad as being a religious administration that is also a representation of the community. In fact, it is often suggested that it was intended to be a democracy by scholars and thinkers of the Liberal Age of Arabic Thought. It's ridiculous in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam that there are people who follow their 'book' of their religion literally and fanatically. Notice how everytime Al Qaeda makes a video they are constantly quoting directly from the Qu'ran. Lots of traditions of the Muslim peoples are things not mentioned in the book, everything that comes with life, including the globalization of the world, cannot simply be put into it 1400 years ago, especially when it comes to the identities of a culture its traditions. There is a remarkable difference between religious and human traditions. I like an example of an old cultural tradition of the Hindu people who practice Sati, whoupon the death of a husband, have his body is cremated, and with him the wife joins his body and is burned alive. When the British Empire was in control of India, they did not understand this behavior and asked the people why they did it. (Keep in mind the Hindi belief of reincarnation). One time a British officer came upon a woman, crying and hesitating to jump into the flames, he stopped her and asked, "Are you crazy? Why would you do this?" She replied, "It is what I need to do, you do not understand, I want to go with him. If I die with him I will come back as a better being than I am now, and I am ready to accept this and achieve Nirvana." So, here is a religious tradition that is to some sad, to others, glorious. But when the British governor referred to the Vedas, the Hindu holy book, he found no mention of this sacrifice in the Sati, so he made a law banishing the practice completely, denying the people of their traditions, but more importantly, forcing them to practice directly the way their book says if they want to be Hindi. And on that note I think some Christian denominations can be categorized as groups that interpret their book too literally, and have void their faith of many, if not almost all traditions that came with the origin of the faith.