inquietus

Not to say that I wish this was 1500, but if it was, I wouldn't have so many options. If it was 1500, I would not find my lot in life, my lot in life would find me. I wouldn't decide where I should live and where I should work, but instead those paths would be before me. Sure, I might decide among 2-3 different jobs such as following my father as a craftsman or say, becoming a merchant or a soldier, but what array of choices is that really? I'd be confined to living near home, if not in the same household my entire life with my family. I wouldn't think twice about marrying whoever my family arranged or if I was lucky, a girl of my choosing...as long as she fit my social class lived within 5 miles of my family. 

Mais actuellement non! The world is open before me! I have been blessed with modern technology, handsome features, a clever-enough mind, a progressive society, and enriching experiences that lead me to about as much direction as outer space. 

Up? Down? Left? Right? Back? Forward? Diagonal? Wait; where the hell is "right" anymore?!? 

I have been many places and learned many things. But there is so much more. If I work hard enough and apply myself, I can be practically anywhere I want to be. It becomes impossible for me to sit still and be content with a job, a city, a language, a geography, and yes: a girl. I find myself questioning my lot as to why I am still doing what I am doing every year.

I become bored with a job and find something else nearly every year. I go into serious, wonderful relationships with lovely women and find that we probably aren't good for each other. I have lived in a different location every year since I left home. What has gotten into me? When did it get there? Why did I study Ancient Greek, Russian, Latin, Arabic, and French? Who does that?! 

Did I do all of these things simply because I CAN? Why do I continue? Perhaps I am in love with the idea of not settling, but will it go away? My contentment is fleeting and only lasts the duration of the change over several months, then it goes back to being hungry for something else. 

Gosh those words are so sexy together. "Something else".