I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. I get taken aback sometimes with how painful our relationship has become. Like most things that are negative in my life, I ignore it. I pretend it isn't a problem and therefore it can't hurt me...except those times when it hits me.
I miss him so much. I wonder if it grieves him. I wonder if he thinks back on how close we were, how much we experienced together. He's the single-most link to my childhood, and I to his, and now we don't so much as speak. Maybe he doesn't know how to fix it. Maybe he's ashamed.
I don't know why he ignores me. I've begged him to tell me what's wrong. I wonder if it's something I did. I wonder if he cares at all. I thought moving back home would change things. I thought I could help him. Sometimes when I think about him it's like he's so far, almost like a ghost. Like, I knew who he was, but he is no more. Which I suppose is like he died. But he's not, and that is a peace of mind. I'll be there for him when he's ready to come back to being my brother. I miss him.
