there was this moment when i just paused and reflected about the time and place i was in. i had the realization that i would never be in that time, not necessarily that instance, but just that night in that place ever again. i felt sad, it sucked knowing that it would slip away from me. in one of these moments, getting ready to go out to a party with my friends from our dorms, hearing that same music from 2005 playing on in the hall bathroom, the crappy beer, the inside jokes, being around those same friends, and looking the way i did..it occurred that this would never be again. damn it.
i comforted myself knowing that i still had that night, and there would plenty of other nights with a very similar air. but i still think back on that time, and i am rushed with emotion as i think about all of the details of where i was and what was happening. in moments when i felt like this, i relaxed and focused on taking everything in and enjoying it, i missed nothing. and still, it isn't satisfying to know that i tried to take nothing for granted. it still feels unfair that i won't have that time back again.
yet i guess this practice makes me feel like time will go more slowly, which will give me more time to enjoy it. but then i think, ultimately it's in the past, who cares right? we've all had "good ol days", and i know i have plenty to look forward to in my life. but why does it hurt and feel like a loss?
