what happened to the time

there was this moment when i just paused and reflected about the time and place i was in. i had the realization that i would never be in that time, not necessarily that instance, but just that night in that place ever again.   i felt sad, it sucked knowing that it would slip away from me. 

in one of these moments, getting ready to go out to a party with my friends from our dorms, hearing that same music from 2005 playing on in the hall bathroom, the crappy beer, the inside jokes, being around those same friends, and looking the way i did..it occurred that this would never be again.  damn it.

i comforted myself knowing that i still had that night, and there would plenty of other nights with a very similar air. but i still think back on that time, and i am rushed with emotion as i think about all of the details of where i was and what was happening.  in moments when i felt like this, i relaxed and focused on taking everything in and enjoying it, i missed nothing. and still, it isn't satisfying to know that i tried to take nothing for granted. it still feels unfair that i won't have that time back again.

yet i guess this practice makes me feel like time will go more slowly, which will give me more time to enjoy it. but then i think, ultimately it's in the past, who cares right?  we've all had "good ol days", and i know i have plenty to look forward to in my life. but why does it hurt and feel like a loss?

satisfactionnnnnnnnn

push me, and then just touch me, so i can get my......satisfaction satisfaction satisfaction satisfaction satisfaction.

so less than 4 weeks until i head off to hawaii. for who knows how long. a-a-a-nd, the town i live in has become so much more awesome now that i have discovered a club that plays electro/techno/house, and has a solid following of people that appreciate the music.

...there's 10 minutes left, and i'm on my way to the airport, and realize i still have the condoms on my shoes. so i took them off and threw them in the back. i pulled up, with manly, kate-moss-confidence. and there was the dean, with his wife, bulging with impatient fluids. i went in for a bro-grab, and got totally whiffed. after they got into the car, in the back seat the dean's wife started getting magic-flute-voice. she sounded like a baby bat, that was even more terrified than usual. when i turned around, there were my mud-covered condoms. i said, let me explain, those, have not been in asses......they would not believe me.

I love that I am a perfectionist. But I hate how it stresses me out. Then, again, I love myself....so I love that I am a perfectionist.

Why do older people think that it's time to start thinking about settling down and finding a girl? 23 isn't that old, cripes.... It's annoying to have people keep asking if I have a girlfriend, as if I am letting them down or something. F that, I know what I am doing.