herometer

A long time ago there were these guys called heroes. Athens' hero was Theseus. Theseus in my mind rocked. I want to be him. There's Heracles, he was a bad ass dude too. Heracles was more of a Pan-Hellenic hero though, so everyone loved him. Everyone. In fact, I think he had a little too much love. And I believe that Theseus was indeed a bit better of 'hero' than Heracles. And by 'hero' I mean someone that the kids can look up to. Someone that people can identify with and like to imagine themselves being. Everyone even today knows Heracles a.k.a. Hercules, but who knows Theseus?


Heracles was a son of Zeus, and Theseus was just a regular Joe. Heracles was half divine, that definitely gave him an edge of Theseus in terms of being praise-worthy, but this shows that Theseus is more like "one of us", just an ordinary ancient Greek I mean. Also, heroes in this time period all went through wild-ass challenges. It simply proved their merit and showed that they could kick ass for your town or country or tent. Being that Theseus was not part god, it makes his missions seem more impossible.

This brings me to the opposition of the heroes. Heracles had it bad because Hera, Zeus' bitter wife, hated him because Zeus cheated on her to create the guy. So, she sent snakes on him when he was only 2 years old. He of course ripped the snakes into pieces, but that's because he's Heracles, you can expect him to do things like that, even if he is a baby. Theseus however had a king for a dad named Aegeus, cool yes, but his dad slept with Theseus' mom on the side, and 17 years earlier, before heading back to his kingdom, Aegeus told the lady "hey hoe, if it turns out to be a son, tell him to take my sword and these sandals and come find me when he's of age".  


So once coming of age, Theseus finds the sword and sandals and journeys to Athens to find his dad.  Well let me tell you about his trip.  Because you want to know.  Anyway, Theseus' stories are primarily involved with some brute who is beating the tar out of travelers, and then Theseus comes along and gives them a taste of their own medicine. The stories are very entertaining and funny, mostly because these guys' methods of hurting people are for the lack of a better word abnormal.  Like for example the robber Sinis, who grabbed people on the roads and bound them between pine trees that had been tied the ground, and after fastening his victims, he let the trees go, tearing the unlucky fellow from limb to limb.  So Sinis snuffed it.  Apart.

Meanwhile, Heracles' labors weren't even usually against people, he was always fighting beasts and monsters. He's the number 1 beast-tamer of Hellenistic world I tells ya.  Theseus' deeds are more noble I think because he beat up bad people, not a few animals.  The dude got something worthwhile accomplished!  He cleaned up the roads! Heracles is again, f'n Heracles; his missions are supposed to be hard, but everyone reading the stories knowing he's going to win in the end.  No one knows if Theseus is going to make it.


As for love interests and helpers/sidekicks, both have interesting stories that I won't really get into, save that Heracles is a bit of a manwhore and liked to get around. I don't think parents would want their kids growing up to be a guy like that, whether it's today or 2500 years ago. But back to the point, Heracles had 3 official wives, 1 he murders, 1 murders him, and the other he meets through a friend in the afterlife on Mt Olympus.   And as for helpers, he's Hercules so he doesn't need any, though he does have a homosexual relationship with a little dude who followed him around for a few adventures. I'm not judging.


Theseus' helper/lover was this great gal named Ariadne, and she is involved in the famous story with the Minotaur and Labyrinth.  You should read it, not to mention you will realize the story is replayed or parodied everywhere today.  

Eventually however, Theseus dies. Nothing special, he just dies.  I think this is perfect, he's the epitome of what a young, ambitious, ancient Greek guy would want to be, as Theseus' life doesn't seem that improbable and yet he's famous.


With the purpose of a hero inspiring people and fulfilling people's desires for entertainment, hope, ambition, etc., Theseus wins over Heracles in my mind. We imagine ourselves even today as famous persons, whether current or past. They may not be all perfect, but neither were these Hellenistic heroes. But we can't deny that we haven't wished at some point to do things like star in this movie, play this professional sport, lead this country, win that battle, write this book, etc. We can identify with Theseus better, and I think YOU should read up on his stories and put Heracles on the back-burner.

binomial coefficients

getting paid once a month blows. oh well at least i don't have to pay taxes.

you know, you should read Ernest Hemingway.

and Arabic isn't as difficult to study as people made it out to be......neither is Latin. in fact i'm taking both at the same time. maybe i'm just that awesome. no, i am that awesome.

looking for something, i guess...

i just can't seem to get comfortable in my setting. in the last 2 years i've been in 5 countries, and 6 different states. and i don't mean i went through them in passing on my way to some other place. i laid my head in all of these places and in some cases lived there for months. what the hell is the deal? after i'm in one place for long enough i feel out-of-sync. in some cases it has been loneliness, but for the most part it has been anger.

i've been angry at myself for not developing and/or keeping good relationships. not just with girls, but friends as well. it's my fault. i'm the one who left. how can i expect anyone to wait for me or count on me to settle down when i'm all over the place? it angers me that i upset people when i go, because while i'm in my next location all i can think about is "what if i had stayed there? maybe i should have? maybe my friend would be closer to me? maybe that girl and i could have fit really well together? maybe my parents wouldn't worry so much?"

it's like i keep traveling around in search of some particular thing or idea or .......man i don't even know. i'm going to force myself to sit still here in springfield missouri for a while and learn latin and arabic for 2 years. 2 years of one place instead of many. maybe i will go mad and eat my own head. ouch.

what's all this then?

i keep seeing visions of places i've been. the visions aren't of any particular event, but just an ordinary sight that i would experience every day that i was at that place. like a highway intersection in another state, or the setting of some tables and chairs i sat in by the ocean. what's all this then?

it's strange how i'm reminded of these images without any reference or source. they just......pop into my head! i like how whatever vision i see is of no significance either. nothing special happened in those places, i didn't meet or speak to anyone. i was just there.

strange indeed, but it makes sense to me.

you don't truly see how a place affects you until you have left it i think.

i'd like to think that i am seeing those places in my head because something interesting is happening there right in that very moment....

hockey

things always get better, and we always hope they will, otherwise why would we even keep going hah?!

you know you haven't had a good laugh in a while when you laugh at something really, really dumb. whatever it was might have been a little silly, but you end up rolling on the floor laughing so hard.....it's like you're releasing your stress, and making up for the past couple of weeks that you didn't laugh, all at once.

so i'm playing hockey on the playstation3 with my roomate, and the commentator for the game said the line:

"....he took a good, long dump into the offensive end...."

haha, it still makes me laugh. basically the player lightly threw (dumped) the puck into the opposing team's (offensive) side of the ice.

yeah i'm a dork, what?

well, shit

bad. bad bad bad.  i just worked on a project that was supposed to last a good many weeks, thus giving me more money that i badly needed, but it rained a lot and it couldn't get done. the project was down by the gulf of mexico, so it was an expensive, bitch of a drive, whilst staying in a hotel for weeks...ughh.  once we realized the project was not possible to continue, my co-workers and i decided to head back home to dallas. 


my car wouldn't start. i couldn't believe my luck, i'm down here in the southern edge of texas, far from home or anyone i know, and i can't start my car. i don't even know why it's not working, i checked everything i knew.  anyways, the situation was resolved by having my car towed 3 hours to houston to have it fixed. so ultimately, the money that i did make from the project i had now just spent on gas and having my car fixed.


damn it. i'm so angry right now, why the hell does this shit have to happen now. i still want to go to grad school, but i can't go now unless the school offers me an assistantship, balls.  i need to get higher GRE scores.  why does that stupid test give me such a hard time?  for now i've just got to work, which is fine, i just can't find enough projects in my field around where i live.  it's too expensive now to pack up and leave.  i'm determined to get an office job working as a robot for some sales/business/marketing position here in the dallas/ft worth area. it's the only way out.  heavens i never thought i'd say something like that, ever.



i can't even feed myself. the work i've been doing is too incosistent. and i have student loans, rent, and bills to pay for. what the fuck, i know things almost never go as planned, but i have a degree, great grades, and lots of work experience and i have nothing to show for it but a 41 thousand dollar loan bill to pay off. i can't even buy food!  thank goodness for credit cards or i would probably have blown away in the wind!  on the other hand, i'm digging myself into another hole with debt. shit.



it's to the point where it's more important to have shelter and food in me than it is for me to focus so much on my dreams.  sometimes they just aren't reachable for a while, i can accept that, but i'm angry. now today my passport got mailed back to me.....my old one that is. the state department my money anyway, and told me that they can't process it because i have a stolen/lost investigation on an older one. i have to start from scratch and buy another. and i need one for grad school applications abroad and work projects. thanks for screwing me over again department of state. it wasn't enough that you lost my last passport in the mail and made me buy another one that was temporary. fuck you.  i've had to buy 3 passports and pay to expedite two of them.



my student loan payment didn't go through, it's now 12 days overdue. they told me that it would take a while for the payment to process because it's coming from this particular conservation agency, and now the bank and the loan agency say that they didn't receive the money either, and yet the money is gone. well where the fuck did it go? i submitted it well before the due date....3 weeks later they still don't know where it is. it's out of my hands, why should i have to be the middle man between a loan agency that wants my money anyway, and a bank that i have done a service for? damn you both. i've been on the phone with representatives for both sides for 4 hours today. they both just blame it on the other and say they didn't do this or that. so i find myself arguing for them...all i want is for my loan payments to go through, i earned the money i paid the payment. what else do they want me to do?

i have no food damn it. i just want to get some lame ass job at this point and do whatever it is they need me to do. because it isn't right for me to be in financial trouble like this when all i've done is work my ass off in college and work since finishing high school.


man i thought writing all of this would make me feel better but it doesn't.  perhaps an angry nap?

where did the time go?

things have got to get better for me. things aren't bad, it's just every day i'm reminded of the past and how fun it was.....how happy i was. things have got to get better right? there must be good days, just as beautiful and memorable as they were in the past. there's got to be memories to be made that will at least match the old ones.