Tuesday, July 31, 2007

break ya


everytime i leave one, they tell me i'll regret it. i know damn it, i know i might. those girls have all been wonderful to me. i just can't like them back as much as i should, i'm not willing to adjust my life and make big sacrifices for them. i always come to find something about them that doesn't fit with me, and i just lose the attraction to them.


but wow, i've been lucky. the girls i've been with have been the sweetest people i've met, it's humbling to both realize and then experience how much they would do for me. and then i get upset at myself because i don't feel the way about them that they feel about me. which sucks, i can't change that really. but seeing their effort and watching them do things with so much intention and care behind it....i mean they are really working for something they believe in....."us"


know what i'm talking about?


so here i am, single again, and on the end that's not broken hearted, again. i hear getting your heart broken is awful, and i believe it, but i wouldn't know. but you know, being the person that leaves the other isn't exactly fun either. it's not like i've had someone else to run to....it's not like i've left a girl for another one. it's not like i left because i got cheated on, or that they put a gypsy curse on my family. or dog. what? i've left them always because i wanted something else, and i didn't feel that they could give that something else to me.


i guess it's not just one thing, it's lots of things. i always wanted a girl i could talk about my hobbies and my interests about...with luck, they would have the same interests too. i don't know, maybe that's not it, but it sounds good to me right now. i'm tired of talking to girls about their drama, forcing myself to be interested, and asking questions. i'd rather talk about what tree bark is made out of.....?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

bad karma

fell off a cliffside, smashed my knee into a rock. no gashes, just a bad bruise...fack

slipped down some rocks because it was pouring rain, gashed up my hand pretty good as i was scrambling for life to grab onto something.

got caught in a nasty current kayaking across a river which flipped me over. fell into the river, watched my kayak carry a mile-and-a-half downstream, and got slammed into some rocks while in the current. omg rocks.
oh by the way that's the Dome of the Rock. it has the word 'rock' in it. yep

this the most dangerous work i've ever done....i mean crap this was just last week alone. the thing is, i find myself thinking about getting hurt and the first thing that comes to mind is getting really pissed off if i actually got injured badly. i'm not getting paid, the work is hard and tedious and i feel like i've been whipped everyday like a....medieval peasant. what?

so on another chapter; shaking hands mkay?

for most of my life i've always had a pretty soft hand shake. i hear it all the time from local wizards that every man should have a firm, hearty hand-shake because it commands respect and shows that you aren't a little girl...or something.

so i've tried lately to start shaking hands more firmly lately, and i pretty much do it subconciously now. so when i shake other guy's hands, i can tell they are all like "wow this guy is a real hard-ass, i better watch my step!" or so they seem. actually i don't know if it does anything, but i do notice that when another guy shakes my hand and they don't squeeze as hard as me i feel bad. heh, it's weird but i feel like i'm being a jerk or trying to act tough. so i feel guilty for giving a firm hand-shake when the other person just gives a soft grab. why am i talking about this? gah i love this blog!

Monday, July 23, 2007

so i was...




so i was eating at this asian restaurant today, and under the glass of the table top there are these zodiac years. an animal represents particular years and underneath each image there was a description of traits, as well as with what other animal compatibality is likely/not-likely.


some say when you are born your destiny is set, there is nothing you can do about your personality except adapt to your environment and deal with situations as you go. the alignment of the stars and planets creates an image of you and then you fill it in with your existence. i don't know about that, but i was born a taurus, and it's strange that i follow a lot of the characteristics that describe that constellation. even when i compare those habits with other zodiacs i still have more in common with the bull.


even stranger is that the year i was born was that of the ox. what the hell is up with me and bovine? i guess that goes with anyone that was born in the first half of may of 1985......making that whole cool-zodiac-mystery pretty insignificant. unless of course we all fit that description.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

yes that's nice but...

My mom and dad are in town this week, which is pretty awesome. I can't say I've ever been this happy to be on a sort of vacation with just my parents. Free food!

My dad and I have been fishing a lot together, but I'm the only one catching fish. I really wish my dad would get some, I don't know why I just feel bad! He taught me how to clean fish and filet them though, which was pretty cool. I don't think he will ever run out of things to teach me, now matter how old I get.


Last night my parents and I discussed politics/ethics in the Catholic Church, I've realized how mature I've become and how I can hold an agruement with them on issues. My mother was mostly talking about her complaints and dissatisfaction with Pope Benedict, I didn't exactly defend him, but I tried to argue points to his decisions concerning Latin-masses and traditional ethics.

Personally, I would rather go to a Latin-mass, where the priest faces the altar like the congregation. Usually, the priest faces the people, mass is in the local tongue, and music is sang by everyone and played on instruments from guitars to drums to flutes. Nothing wrong with that in my mind, I think whatever makes people feel that they get the most out of the worship is the right thing. But I don't see why people like me can't have the traditional form, and all the Pope is doing is recalling that, he's not doing away with the contemporary style. The controversy that come with his decision I don't think go to the Papacy's blame, it's just people stirring up drama.