карандаш

i have a load of stuff to take care of this week: tests, several meetings, things i told people i would do with them, home work, baseball, go to the mall and buy something for myself for once (shorts), pay rent, and i would very much like to see a movie---it seems so long since i went to a theater and saw anything. oh yeah, and i wanna run as fast as i can in an open field.


mass today wasn't so great. the sermon was basically an overview of the parish's funds and the need for more donations...heh, everyone needs more money.

this weekend sucked. something felt...wrong. maybe something is missing. whether i was at home, partying, playing, or sleeping, i felt strange. i didn't even sleep in my own bed last night, i felt so awkward i slept in the living room. i wasn't happy out at the parties, i couldn't feel the mood to relax and enjoy myself---they were good parties too!  bah what a waste!  playing tennis with some friends yesterday i even said something doesn't feel right...i don't even why i felt the need to say it out loud. i can feel it today, something is wrong. it's like a bad essence or something. my friend Milan even noticed me Saturday. he say's "comrade! what is wrong with you, you are not funny today, you are quiet!" i'm usually making him laugh his ass off, and i didn't even feel like going with him to the mall Saturday like i said i would. boy it's bad when you visually look out of sync.  

the reason the weekend makes me feel empty is perhaps because it's the only chance i have to cut loose and satisfy my social life. if i get nothing out of it, especially after busting my ass all week, it makes me pretty frustrated.  like i wasted an opportunity, because now i have to go through another week. then again, i suppose it could be worse.  yesh, things can always be worse.


maybe i should cut back on my hours for work. it's stressing the hell out of me, but i need the $ for rent and tuition, and at the same time i'm trying to save up so i can open up an investment account. screw it, i'm going to use it all to travel somewhere really far away.

watch the weather change

One of our clients at work, he's really helped me the last few weeks. I'm the one who's supposed to help him right? He's such an interesting guy, and the way he deals with his impairment(he's blind) baffles me. His story of how he became blind; being that he grew up in a country where they didn't have the knowledge or resources to fix a simple eye injury-which led to his eyes both becoming useless when he woke up one morning, sounds so incredibly....well shady. How fair is that? If he was probably anywhere else in the world it could have been treated. I would be so angry, and perhaps he was at one time.  He takes it all in stride with daunting acceptance.  He laughs and tells me "man I wish I could see again, I would have my own car, I could see all the beautiful girls." He and I both know he could do so much more than that, but because he says it in respect to doing trivial everyday-things, I feel like shit.  Taken.  For. Granted.  He deals with his disability like it's a joke, he's accepted it and makes the most out of himself while he has it.  He's not ashamed of it. He makes everyone laugh, and plays off any mistakes  he makes like it's the world that is in his way.  It's awesome and inspiring.

I'm used to working with so many people with disabilities, and I've always been impressed by the things they can accomplish, often just like anyone else. I ask myself why the hell do we have to be so embarrassed of all the stupid little things we do in our lives. I downright suck, I need to do better for myself.

Girls

Girls....Ladies...the women, heh. I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm doing about that situation. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship yet. I don't feel like I need to be in one. Then again, who knows. My good friend Lauren pretty much summed it up the other day when she was asking for some advice about a guy. She said "the part I love about being single is that I don't feel obligated to check in with someone."   It's a very simple point, but it hits home, you are free when you are single.  It is indeed nice to not have to worry about offending someone with your actions.  The team becomes you and yourself.  

Being in college rocks, I like meeting people, making minor mistakes, learning, going to strange places, being put in diverse situations, and talking with other young vibrant minds. While in a relationship, you are restricted from doing certain things because you shouldn't play with your partner's emotions. There is also a standard for the way you should act in a relationship, and doing some of the things I want to do are taken away with that. 


The thing is, I feel like you can do more with a certain person, even as fun as college is and when there is so much going on. The sacrifice of all that "playing around" is worth it because of what you share with that person. Of course this is all untrue if that 'significant other' isn't the right one for you and takes you away from being yourself. 

Single now is good.